Biding my rage
|28/7/2012 - 03:19:04 - 0 comments - By|
|I feel empty and sad almost constantly. I want to meet someone and have friends. I want to be recognised and respected. I want to have something to drive me everyday. I don't know what I need.
I'm so introverted and insanely lonely I can't bear it, I'm filled with inexpressible rage and lust. I can't even express myself any way other than plain text. I feel so stupid in front of other people and at the end of every day I lie in bed and stress over every misspoken word and unintended impression I give to people. I want to be free spirited and not care about anything. I try but it cannot possibly happen.
I can't be myself anywhere. Even when I'm just walking down the street I'm self-conscious of what passer-bys are thinking. Despite this I feel so disconnected and bitter. I convince myself that I'm somewhat emotionless and to a degree I think I am. But whatever the case I'm conflicted and angry, which are emotions themselves.
There are many things for which I feel nothing where everyone else feels intensely. I very much prefer to be alone and feel chills when my phone rings, though I'm comfortable with emails. I can't participate on face-book, it wears me thin. I couldn't care less about other people and I can't see myself ever caring.
I feel that my life is so monotonous, straight-forward and simple; I want there to be no laws and barriers. I want to be free to do what I wish without consequence.
At the end of the day though; I'm glad to be me.
Please ignore the above.